The Waiting Game

The concept of teaching children to wait often comes up in therapy sessions, but I was reminded that this is clearly a dying art, and it’s adults that need more of the teaching sometimes!!!

I went to the bank. It’s month-end, but I timed it so that I wouldn’t get there as soon as the bank opened, but still before the lunchtime crowd. I walked into the bank and the line was fairly ok, only half of the U-turn was full with people, and then maybe two more on the other part of the U. The senior citizens part was full with every seat taken. By month-end standards though, it was not bad at all! Very manageable.

I stood in the line and immediately put in my ear plugs because I knew I would need them at some point with the different noises in the bank. Nothing raucous, but lots of different hums and low-grade noises (and of course there was one person listening to a message or something on his phone without headphones!)

(Need to switch to Trini now!) But because we in Trinidad, after waiting for bout five minutes, the man in front of me start to grumble about having to wait in the line. A small man, bout in his 50s-60s maybe, in a slippers, polo and pants. Nobody take him on, but he was quiet with his grumbling. The line wasn’t at a standstill, but things were taking the time they needed to take. Nothing was too slow or moving fast. It was just…taking time. We reach past the bend in the line and on the home straight now, only about 5-6 people in front of me. Homeboy start grumbling again bout the line and how dey so, and what kinda ting is dis. Blamin the bank cuz he hafta wait in a line, even though literally every teller is tending to somebody.

The real action start when Mr. Panman (since he announced that he is a pan man, like if that is supposed to have any relevance to his plight) was just ONE person away from being served. The teller called up the next pensioner (ALL of whom, by the way, were already waiting there by the time I stood in the line), and Panman rush out the line and gone straight to the teller to complain how he here waitin long time and quarrelling about the ones sitting down. The pensioner stand up there with her cane like she doh know what to do. The teller calmly told him “but they were waiting here too”, and invited him to go and sit down too. Well he done lors he spot in front of me, the teller move him to the side to go sit and wait, and she started with the pensioner. Panman went to the chairs but like he get confused, then say “nah, I goin back in my spot!” and come to stand in front of me. It took EVERYTHING in me not to tell this man he lors his spot and where to go eh, but I really didn’t feel like talking to anybody, far less getting into it with anybody, so I say lemme jus keep quiet. Remember there was only ONE person in front de man eh, so he is basically at the front of the line!!

He got to the front finally and from here now - probably out of embarrassment - Panman quarrelling NONSTOP, and this time it’s louder than before, because he MUST be heard, right?! Bout how he will take out all his money from the bank and go somewhere else, next time he wouldn’t come there, he will go to de other branch, how dey have him waiting so long! Then he started to make a comment bout dey tell him go and sit on the chairs but he not retarded so how they could tell him that. Well I see RED. I realllllyyyy wanted to say something eh, but again, good sense prevailed, because I KNOW my tone was NOT going to be friendly and I wasn’t in the mood to get kicked out of a bank, or worse, end up on some viral video on social media. (I have to add too that a parent I had recently met was also in the bank, so I was reminded that I represent Opal Kids even if I am not in office.) Thankfully the man behind me told him to stop grumbling so, he in front, is nearly his turn, etc etc. With a smile and a laugh. Bravo to you gentleman because you said what we were all thinking, but in the nicest way possible. Panman’s grumble died down a little when he got the attention - that he was so badly seeking - from the gentleman, but he was still quietly fuming and mumbling to himself.

The spot at the teller opened up (which should have been for the next pensioner) and Panman ran to the teller triumphantly. This was the only time I opened my mouth to tell the man behind me “she shudda tell him to wait!”

A little while later when I was leaving the plaza to drive home, I had to wait on a string of cars to pass, no one would let me out. But you know what? So what?!!! They didn’t have to, and there was no reason why I couldn’t wait. It took maybe less than thirty seconds for all the cars to pass and for me to be able to get out and go my way. It was not a big deal.

It got me to thinking: why do we reserve the ability to wait only for children? As adults, we can’t wait a few seconds for a car to pass, to plan to wait when we go to the bank or anywhere that usually takes time. It’s always a rush and we MUST get served NOW. Why??? What’s an extra 30 seconds? What’s the obsession with NOW??

I know that the instant gratification has a lot to do with it - we’ve become so used to having things work and convenience being the name of the game, that we sometimes forget that waiting is OKAY at times too! If the internet takes long to connect or a webpage doesn’t open RIGHT THIS SECOND, it’s definitely annoying, but does it need to fuel that level of anger and rage?

I’m definitely guilty of this too so will have to remember this lesson as a note to self. Because on my last stop before I got home on this same trip, I had to rush an old lady out of a shop because I wanted to get to the car (and home if possible) before the rain came down. In my defence though, she was old talking with the cashier at first, which I didn’t fuss about, I waited until she moved. But it was when she was walking out of the door and BLOCKED my exit while she was old talking with a man there and was completely oblivious to me behind her that I had to (kinda loudly since she didn’t hear me the first time) shout “EXCUSE ME” and squeeze past her. I did let her walk in front of my car instead of driving off in front of her though. And yes, I barely made it home before the heaviest part of the rain came down.

Anyway, the lesson here is to think more about WHY we’re having trouble waiting? It is ego? Will we combust? What’s going to happen if this thing that we want does not happen right NOW? Think about it, take a breath, and count to 10. Most of the times, the world will still be turning, and we will be ok.