The lighter side?

Most of the time, I choose to highlight the strengths-based side of additional needs. There is enough doom and gloom surrounding having an additional need, or caring for someone with an additional need. We are all aware that it can be time consuming, a financial undertaking, and a mental load.

I usually present the other side, to remind people that there are positives to be found, strengths to nurture, and grace to be given. I would disclose that I’m autistic to a parent only if it helps the conversation by helping them to better understand their child, or provide a sense of comfort or hope.

However, I have been feeling hypocritical about this lately. I have been having a hard time and if I’m being completely honest, something of an identity crisis with trying to figure out how to be comfortable with being autistic but still not be too autistic in certain spaces. As much as I preach for autonomy and being one’s true self, I have realised that sometimes that’s not always possible. It sometimes comes at the expense of others’ comfort and peace when my needs take precedence most of the time.

Due to my two careers - OT and triathlon coaching - I have to be social, I have to do things where I interact with people or be out and about, sometimes more than I can manage. Although I am learning the delicate balance between being busy and taking a break, I simply have to push through at times and manage the fallout afterwards, which usually means needing an extended people break and some serious work to rebalance my nervous system. I haven’t gotten this down to a T as yet, but as I am a solution-focused person, I keep trying to figure out what works.

So while I am struggling a bit with trying to figure out how to balance my own autistic needs with doing the things I have to do and want to do (and being mindful of others in the process), I am also struggling with the idea that I might be saying things that are idealistic. Of course we want all neurodivergent people to feel free to be their best selves, but is this possible in a world that isn’t ready for it?

Do I continue to advocate for the ideal in the hopes that if we don’t get there, at least “close enough” would still be better than where we are now? I cannot accept that we need to continue to teach children to mask and conform. I’m still figuring out what is realistic, and using myself as the example. Will update.

Me, socialising with my friends on the beach (really)