Why We So Fraid Fraid?!

As a Caribbean people, why we so fraid?!!!!

I’ve come across many instances in the last few weeks that has me questioning why Caribbean people are generally so fearful and less adventurous. Of course I can put myself in this category too because if you've ever seen me around a lizard you would

understand!!!

I saw a video where someone (a Trini) was traveling on a plane and was extremely scared, and the comments were inundated with people saying they’re scared of flying as well or have never flown (as I mentioned in a previous post). I also saw many instances of people being afraid to drive (women especially), and refusing to drive even though they have a valid drivers license. I get the reason behind the fear from a safety aspect, but what is it that stops Caribbean people from wanting to overcome that fear or take that risk, and instead resign to live a life of being sheltered? It’s less about being scared, but more about the fact that we don’t want to take ANY risk when there is a fear. Is that just how we are as a people? Added to that, when someone lives a bit more freely, it may be met with judgement.

I’m genuinely asking though: what’s up with all of these (sometimes irrational) fears? I have a few theories:

1. Fears/susperstitions passed down from generations and cultures. For example, don’t swim after you eat. A few days ago I went swimming (actual swim training, not just liming in the water) about five minutes after I had finished lunch, and let me tell you! I was so scared I was going to go belly up in de people ocean! Of course nothing happened and it was an amazing swim. Nothing ate me, I didn’t cramp up. Other fears passed down to children: don’t eat chenette because you will swallow the seed, don’t swallow any fruit seeds because a tree will grow out of your ears, don’t chew gum because you will swallow it (not sure what was supposed to happen if you did), don’t swim in the sea on Good Friday, and the list goes on and on. I would love to hear some fears and superstitions from your family!

2. Judgement. As mentioned above, sometimes stepping out of a comfort zone is met with such judgement that people may prefer to stick with what is safe and what is comfortable. Generally, Caribbean people are “in everybody business” so it’s a bit more restricting if you want to do something different without curious eyes on you.

3. Something innate? I am generally a big chicken and get scared for every little thing. Some of it is based on past experiences (when I hear a random noise I get scared because my house has been broken into in the past), but I think much of it is simply by nature. Can this be a thing? I’ve always been scared of lizards, even though they’ve been around my house for my whole life. Nothing ever happened specifically to make me scared. My sister is equally terrified. My mother is terrified of frogs, and while I won’t go near a frog, I probably won’t go leaping into the air to get away from one. Lots of people are irrationally scared of bugs. Is it something that’s biological that causes people to be more fearful of something than others? Maybe a gene that’s passed down?

4. Is it knowledge? With knowledge = power to mitigate risk? Or maybe knowledge = more fear because you know too much!

Whichever way, I’ve found that Caribbean people on the whole tend to stay in their fear rather than take a risk, and this is something I see in my practice as well. I see parents who want to protect their child - rightfully so - but try to remove all risk in the process. However, risk a good thing! Children need to learn how to understand, assess and manage risks, and that comes from taking them, but with an appropriate level of support. As a therapist, it’s a beautiful thing to see a child learn how to judge what’s safe or not, and it’s even more beautiful to see parents loosening the reigns and letting their child try things, knowing how scared they are inside! (The one parent I’m talking about will read this; you know who you are and I’m proud of how far you have come!) Children need managed risks so that they can learn different skills, but they need the adults there to guide them through it: how to work through the risk, how to manage the emotions, what to do, what not to do.

Here are my five tips for parents and caregivers when it comes to risk:

1. Let them fall. Within reason of course!

2. Let them fail. Let them lose the game.

3. Let them try. And let them try THEIR way as well.

4. Let them be bored. Ah beg! Let children be bored! This can lead to some incredible creativity!

5. Let them show emotion. Let boys cry. Let them be angry (even at you). Let them feel how they feel. Then teach them how to manage the emotions safely.

Here is a book to check out if you want to step out of your comfort zone and take some risks: 50 Risks to Take With Your Kids by Daisy Turnbull.