"We're all a little neurodivergent."

Someone hit me with this line a few days ago. This was at the back end of a six-week programme I’d just delivered on neurodiversity (autism specifically). On the one hand, thinking that everyone has some sort of difference and may need support should mean that we’re more predisposed to giving grace right?! But nah, I absolutely HATE when people say “we’re all a little autistic” because, respectfully, NO.

1. Your neurotypical brain doesn’t process the way my autistic one does. When you walk into a busy room, you acknowledge that it’s busy, but you walk into the room and go about your day. When I walk into a busy room, it’s like all the check engine lights coming on at once. Why is it so loud? I’m hearing 8 different conversations at once. Ew, what’s that smell? It’s hot in here (or cold). I don’t like the pitch of that person’s voice. Why is it so bright? Now I’m feeling dizzy. And I have a headache. I need to find a space away from people. I need my ear plugs. All of this happens within the first few seconds and can set the tone for the entire experience.

2. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes, and everyone can experience a sensory overload. When a neurotypical person gets overwhelmed, they may take a breather and return to normal relatively quickly. This always amazes me how someone can brush things off quickly because as an autistic person, everything is like a sand timer: it takes its cool time to recover. The bigger the overwhelm, the more time it takes. It’s like a neurotypical person’s sand timer might be a minute, while an autistic person’s is a ten...or more. Added to that is the mental and physical toll it takes that can last for hours afterwards. No energy to move, no thinking capacity to do even the simplest of tasks, racing heart, mind reeling.

3. When a neurotypical person meets someone and then doesn’t remember them, something might jog their memory. For an autistic person who has face blindness, unless that person looks the exact same and sometimes is even in the same environment, it can be perceived as a whole different person. I’ve lost count of the amount of times now I’ve “re-met” someone and nothing about them or their face rings a bell unless I can place them in the situation before. I remember people based on specific circumstances that might be trivial: what they wore, how they made me feel, their teeth or some other random feature, or where I met them. I used to feel quite embarrassed when I say “nice to meet you” and later realised we met before, but now I know it’s just part of the neurodiversity, and I try to remember specific things about people that would stick. (I had to laugh at myself because about ten minutes after writing this, I ended up in this exact scenario. Still cannot remember the person!) One of my former clients - with whom I had worked for several months - didn't recognise me when I saw him at his school. It took several more times of seeing him at school and talking to him for him to realise I am the same person he sees at the fun place!

4. From the time I leave my house, my autism shows up and I’m reminded I’m not like everyone else. My day to day support needs are low in comparison to others, and I can generally manage my own support needs well, yet compared to a neurotypical person, I can be quite a handful. There’s always something that can bother me in an instant, and I find that I’m always vigilant about things other people probably don’t have to worry about. Last week I was having a great day, and as soon as I walked into the grocery I wanted to curl up in a ball. It felt like all my nerve endings were being fried! I immediately had to go to a space with no one and frantically search for my ear plugs, which were nowhere to be found because they were in the car! Thankfully I had a backup old school pair in that particular bag which saved my day. However, by that time it was just about survival mode to finish my shopping, and by the time I got home I could barely function. I’ve now learned that my day has to go in bite-sized chunks that don’t follow a neurotypical person’s timeline. An 8-4 or 9-5 doesn’t work for me. Tried and tested many times - I WILL get sick. Doing normal people things without supports (like my ear plugs or music, a hoodie when taking long flights, or time by myself) doesn’t cut it. After many many years of trying to do “normal people things” at a disservice to myself, I can finally accept that my support needs aren’t an option, they’re a necessity.

I could go on, but you get the picture. While it seems “accepting” to claim that everyone is autistic or neurodivergent because 1) it may seem as though everyone is popping up with a diagnosis these days or 2) you’re seeing more “normal” looking neurodivergent people and assuming that their experiences aren’t as severe because they look okay on the outside, remember that you’re only seeing what they may present to the world at that time, which can be some heavy masking too. When you say that everyone’s autistic, you diminish that person’s experience and by extension, can overlook their support needs.

So if you notice this thought coming into your head any time, let it stay there and not make its way out. Please and thanks!

Pic of my OG ear plugs that saved me in the grocery!