Hard Truths

We all need someone who will give us some hard truths: someone we can trust to give us the facts even when they’re uncomfortable. It can be a significant other, a parent, a friend, a mentor, or even a child!

Too often these days, in the world of political correctness and not wanting to offend people (and don’t get me wrong - I fully support everyone’s right to live their lives how they want), the art of the hard truth is sometimes lost. In the last few weeks, I’ve been confronted with harsh realities from all sides: I’ve been on the receiving end, but more recently on the giving end.

This post is more about being on the giving end. I’ve had to be the “bad guy” for different reasons to different people, and it never gets easier. What matters though, is the delivery. Not everyone receives their hard truths in the same way, and the key is figuring out what works for different people. I prefer text over speaking, but when I text, the tone and message can be quite direct. I’m learning to soften more, or at least wait before responding. Having said that, I have sent some very direct messages that I stand by entirely!

One of my “hard truth” conversations recently had a positive outcome because it was in the form of a face to face conversation that addressed all the issues, but actively sought solutions. A main thing is that the person on the receiving end was open to the conversation, so it was productive all around.

In a chat with a parent recently, she shared a story that her child was bullied by another parent, and being the gentle person she is, she did not want to escalate the situation further by causing a big scene, so approached the parent peacefully, and there was a sense that it was not taken seriously. She told me that had her mother been there, it would have been a different story! My response to her was that maybe her mom’s approach would have been the one that resonated with the other parent, because if she was bullying a small child, maybe she only responds to harsh tones because that’s all she knows from her own upbringing.

Which brings me to this: even with children, we need to have these “hard truth” conversations when needed, rather than sheltering them from reality at all costs. However, children NEED to feel safe, protected and loved. You cannot dish out a hard truth and expect them to figure things out for themselves! Children are extremely perceptive and will know when something is wrong, for example when parents are going through a rough time. Yes, your child does not need to know all of the adult details; however they should be given facts as appropriate, comfort, space and time to process and express their feelings, and to know that above all, they have support and love. Emotional regulation and self regulation skills need to be taught and modelled so that children can grow up in a world where they can deal with different opinions and not fall apart!

The goal of a hard truth is not to shatter someone’s spirit or dreams, but to provide an objective dose of reality while letting them know that they have support to navigate the situation ahead.

Anyway, send some good vibes my way that being the bearer of hard truths will ease up a lil bit, ah tired!!!!!!!!